Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
