Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
