just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
