My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
its liver damage thursday
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
