I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
