took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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