my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
