im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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