They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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