I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
