I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
