dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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