Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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