Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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