mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
zippers are such a cool invention
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
