drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
