she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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