Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
