Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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