Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
as a side note pls kill me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
