He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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