she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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