If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
