Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
