we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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