smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
