lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
