I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
