I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
