now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
