True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
