as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
