Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize