she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
