I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
