I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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