Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
