forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
