WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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