If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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