I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
