; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
