My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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