The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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