All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
