thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
