I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Blood and glitter go together right?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
