In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
