No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
