I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
