You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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