i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
