There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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