And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize