A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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