last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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