Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
