Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
