dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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