Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
