just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
