I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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