Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
