he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
