You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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