Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
